SMALL TREATS

Lately, I have been depriving myself of many things. I can't watch telenovelas on television. I can't go out with friends on spontaneous late night Gimik. I can't eat a decent dinner or maybe eat a light dinner before going home to be ready on my classes. I can't talk to my mom at night or early in the morning about what's going on with me except during weekends. I can't read my books because I don't have enough time. I can't learn a new language because I am busy teaching other people how to learn English. I can't easily talk to friends or chat with them online because I am busy with my students. Don't get me wrong about my teaching. I love teaching. I have always been inclined to teaching. I don't know why teaching is always following me. I remember my late grandfather told my mother to let me take up a degree in education. Good thing my parents supported me in whatever course I am going to take up in college. I promised that I will never teach because I know teachers are deprived financially and sometimes emotionally.

But I am back as a teacher and every now and then I realized how badly I needed this kind of job. I so overwhelm by the kindness my students gave me. They are so adorable and they are very good too in the lesson. Again, as long as they need me..I will be there to teach them. Call me "raketera", "gahutera" or "pamugasay"...I really don't care. It has helped me a lot financially and I am having fun and meet very nice friends. I am contented and happy right now. Arigato Gozaimasu!!

Greyson Chance - Hold On Til The Night ( Official Video )

My instant perk me up song this month...So young artist but very strong voice!! o_O

a LETTER ONE YEAR AGO

A LETTER FROM THE PAST: APRIL 24, 2011

Dear FutureMe,

I know you are happy right now. You have your own business, a wonderful career and a loving and handsome fiance. You have helped you parents and gave them so much joy and love. Please be a joy to others always and let go of the things that make you sad. Stay away from bad friends that let you down. Treat yourself today..Travel with your love ones and be grateful to GOD for everything. You deserve this because of all you work for. Look at you...very happy and will always be happy. No more regrets.

P.S. In case you haven't achieved anything that I have mention above...it's okay. I don't blame you. You should dust it off and try again(just like the song). Do it now..you are the captain of your life..It's never to late..be bold and dream big and high..I still love you and pray to GOD for guidance..mwaaahhhh

I cried after I finish reading this. I have been trying to make myself better than ever and learn from the mistakes that I have. I am really so sensitive...T_T I am strong but I cry easily. Basically, I can say I am happy right now minus the business, the wonderful career and loving and handsome fiance. Looking back one year ago, I have made choices that I don't totally regret but can make some part of this letter a reality. I just don't know if I will be happy if I choose to say "YES" than "NO". The funny thing is, I don't know why I am crying. Is it because of the wrong decisions? the pity for self? or maybe I just realized that there are something or someone that is not meant to be? I want to let it out and last time I cried was when I watched a sad movie online. I got carried away by the characters in the story. This time, it's different. I am in the story. I realize that my own movie is in black and white. So dull. My mind is confused and I don't even know what my heart is saying. Things are pretty confusing lately. There are signs and they scream in my face. I just don't know if they are just fooling my senses or they are for real and I should take them seriously.

Good thing PastMe is not so judgmental. She wants me to learn from everything and try again. I am patient but sometimes the waiting is like torture and it is not fun anymore. It's draining sometimes and I feel that at the end of the day, you still lack courage to face it because it makes you also weak. I really don't what is in store for us for the next few months. Whatever that is, I wish that PastMe will realize what she dreams to have one year ago.

CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED BLOG

I am a fickle minded person and sometimes my momentum is so high that, it ends up useless. I have made actually more than five blogs already but only maintaining two. The two blogs that I am maintaining are not even earning but have a few traffic every now and then. I am pretty crazy about blogging before to the point that I woke up early in the morning just to catch opportunities online. I am so obsessed with it. I want to feel that obsession again and get my blog up again.

I still have many ideas in mind like earn a few moolah then get a domain for it. I want to also make a like Julia/Julie food blog. I might also make a language blog or maybe a personal blog about teaching online. See? I have crazy ideas but I can't seem to make it work. Am I just burn out or I am just getting old? I hope none of the above. How to make crazy ideas into reality? I better get up and work my %$#! out!!

Ciao!!

THAT AWKWARD FEELING/MOMENT

I have been reading some tweets and even shout outs with the words "That awkward feeling...". Okay, I am going to share some of my awkward feelings. I might forget some of them but this are just some of the situations when I or maybe you feel that awkward feeling.

1. That awkward feeling when you meet the person who is actually your friend in Facebook or other SNS but you are not really close or acquainted to each other and you don't know if you will smile or greet him/her.(Note: You know his/her love life, daily food intake etc.)

2. That awkward moment when you saw your ex and there is no other place to escape but to pass by where he is.

3. That awkward feeling when you want to correct someone but he/she acts very confidently and thinks he/she is smart.

4. That awkward feeling when you want to say sorry but you know it's not your fault. The feeling is bothering you but saying sorry is just out of your plan.

5. That awkward moment when you receive a call in a quiet place and you try to lower your voice but it turns out to be louder than you expected.

More awkward feelings/moments soon...Ciao!!

THE WALKING DEAD-ANOTHER ADDICTION!!

I am not really fond of zombie movies but I like the Resident Evil movie so much. Aside from that, nothing else. What so fun about zombie running around and even preying on human? That's gross and looking at humans helpless is worst than I could imagine.

But now, I am taking back my word on that because my addiction to American series lead me to this. Many friends of mine even talked about it on Facebook. I got so curious and downloaded the full Season 1 episodes in torrent. Wow..I couldn't stop watching it. I finish the whole season 1 in just one day. Okay, it's just six episodes.hehehe. It made me a little frustrated because the plot is so riveting and it finished sooner than I expected.

I have to get my hands on Season 2 soon. I am just so excited and I am practicing my scream now.hahaha. Well, if you like zombie movies then check this out. I will surely make you scream and you will be glued to your seats..Enjoy!

POINT IN TIME

There will come a time in our life that we meet someone that will blow our mind away...Like someone who is very bad in English in elementary but because of self study and practice, he can speak English very well now. (that's my boss in my online school!Cool!!) I am just your average English speaker but sometimes when you get to know someone who is so passionate about learning and speaking different languages, you ask yourself...what have I been doing for the past few years? I love learning new things but sometimes I need that extra kick to get going. There are many things to explore and I always tell my student that learning something new needs passion and motivation. I felt guilty every time I say that because one point in my life, I felt that I lack motivation and passion. I love what I am doing but I stopped doing it. I love clothes and I studied how to use the sewing machine last year. By the time I finished the sewing lessons, I know, I have to buy a sewing machine to practice what I learned. Now, I think it's almost a year already but no sewing machine. Huhuhu. Same thing with Korean language. I learned Korean three years ago but again-another epic fail! I never practiced or pursued my Korean language lessons.

You see, I don't easily give up but sometimes the motivation and passion is not cultivated very much. It's the same reason why I don't want to learn driving because I don't have car. I don't want to learn baking because I don't have an oven but I would love to learn how to drive and I love baking as much as eating. I bought baking books but never tried it before.*facepalm*

One day, I was asked by someone if I want to learn a new language-maybe French or German. I said I can't because both languages are difficult to learn. He laughed a little and then said that anything that you don't know is difficult. It will just stop you from learning and he thinks that learning should never stop. He even said that a good motivation in learning a new language is that I should always think that GOD can only understand German/French/Spanish/etc in heaven. I cannot enter heaven if I don't know GOD's language. I was shocked when he said that. It was yes, pretty nice motivation there but I think he uses that words to motivate his students. I began to question my motivation and passion that day.

Now, I feel like I shouldn't stop learning. Right now, using that motivating words and the passion of my boss in learning other language, I think I should start learning other things. This doesn't only apply to learning new language but I think this is the "kick" that I have been waiting to kick me in my butt.